Not just for Christmas

I am stuffed from Mum's amazing Christmas Dinner (yes, we eat it on Christmas Eve these days), all sung out of carols, and I've just heard that my sister's little people are sound asleep & Santa's already been to their house, as I quietly wrap a final few gifts for my amazing family (last minute as ever). 

Christmas is a funny one, this year a little easier than previous ones I'll admit, but I know we are not the only family aware that Christmas doesn't mean an absence of all trouble. In fact, for some this Christmas will highlight your griefs more than any other time of year. 

So to everyone, whether alone or surrounded, whatever your circumstance, I wish you well this Christmas. 

I wish the lonely the unending love of Christmas, the hurting the miraculous peace of Christmas, the broken the prevailing hope of Christmas, & you all the deep joy of Christmas which doesn't depend on circumstance. 

I have a multitude of unwrapped gifts from generous friends under my tree. Right now I don't care what's inside them, I am just so very grateful for the people in my life, near & far, on earth & in heaven, who are definitely not just for Christmas. 

God bless you this Christmas x 

In yet not in

Sometimes, if I'm totally honest, I get scared that if he's not in my social media profile photos, I'm suggesting he's not a part of me; if I forget to put his wedding ring on my right thumb in the morning, I'm neglecting him; If I can sing along to a song that once brought pain, my heart is forgetting.

But there's no getting away from whatever face I have on, whatever I wear, however much I sing or laugh or talk, he is a very part of me. His love has made me who I am, and the strength I never had but now know is not a sign of forgetting, but of learning to live with him being in but not in my life.

It's not leaving behind, it's stepping forward differently. 

Sometimes love in action is impossible but it never dies in your heart.

7 years ago tomorrow Ems asked me out one highly exciting lunch hour.

The 17th.

Now 7 years.

Another 7.

A life changing 7.

"I've got something to tell you..." he said.
And now, I have so much to tell him.