A few weeks before Ems died he asked me how I felt about work. I told him I'd love to write one day but 'had nothing to write about'. Ems told me that he really believed I could do it.
A few days after his death, I remember being in what is to be the study in our house, and I suddenly had the overwhelming realisation that I now 'had something to write about'. This blog begun a few weeks later.
Like I said in my very first blog entry, From the Start, 'I never wanted to write this blog'. But simultaneously, I do want to write this blog. I have written it. I am writing it. I will write it. And now, 9 months into it, I find out today that I've been shortlisted for the 'best writing on a blog' category in the Wales blog awards.
I use no false modesty in saying that I feel hugely humbled. I am grateful to those who nominated me (one was the journalist who wrote the Huffington post piece, Journeying alone together, about this blog). I am grateful to those who've chosen to include me in the shortlist. I am grateful to you who are reading. I'm not going to pretend I'm not pleased to be shortlisted but I'm still sorry that I have something to write about. Without question, I would rather be part of no shortlist, write no blog, and have my lovely Ems here at my side. This is another crazy step in this bizarre journey that I am walking. Good things coming out of brokenness.
In some ways, it only seems like yesterday that Ems and I took that journey and spoke of future dreams. Those dreams are all but shattered but I know he'd be right behind me on this one. A dream, which without him and his beautiful love in my life, would never have been possible.
See the full Wales Blog Awards shortlist, packed with worthy nominees, here.
I once travelled happily alone. Then the most beautiful thing happened and suddenly I was half of two; two became one. But before I could start to document our life together, his life was tragically gone. My darling Ems is now in the bright lights of Heaven and I remain. This is the story of my journey from here. Gratefully a journey that One whose ways are above all of ours takes with me. One day I'll reach those bright lights for myself but until I do, join me on my journey, keeping memories close.